There’s no rubric for life…

“School was safe. They gave me a rubric and I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I think that’s why I struggle so much in life sometimes. There’s no rubric.”

I graduated with my second degree in 2017. 

When I was hooded for my masters, unfortunately, my grandpa wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it. 

My mom had talked to him prior to the ceremony and he said “Tell her I’m sorry I can’t make it but I know she’s going to graduate again and I’ll come to that one.” 

I love school. 

I love learning new things. 

My family knows I love school. 

No one was surprised when I went back for my masters degree and no one would be surprised if I said I’m going back for another degree. 

My husband has thought about getting his MBA for several years now and regularly I tell him that he better get to moving on it or I’m going to law school. 

Any time I have an issue at work or in my life, my first thought is to Google and find a course that some random coach has made about the topic. 

The amount of money I’ve spent in personal development work trying to learn about myself would scare some people. 

I’m a treasure trove of random knowledge about a lot of random things from Project Management to Human Design. 

So when those words came tumbling out of my mouth in a conversation with my husband, I think we both paused for a second. 

Dang. 

That was deep. 

That explained a lot. 

At school, you knew your next step. 

They handed you a piece of paper and said “here’s how many paragraphs this should be and here’s what they should be about if you want to get full credit.” 

Neurodivergence aside, when I was reviewing resumes on a daily basis, I always struggled to understand how some students found it an absolute mystery as to what would get them a “passing resume.”

They had a rubric of that laid out with exactly what I was looking for and when I marked the hell out of their resume with a red pen they’d look at me confused.

In my head, I’d follow the rubric and if I didn’t get the A, it was subjective. 

The professor didn’t like how I phrased something or the paragraph that I hadn’t rewritten from the group paper was still wonky.

You better believe, when it came to group papers, I was the last person to touch that thing and turn it in. 

One of my last steps when turning in any assignment was to review the rubric and double check to make sure everything that was asked for was there. 

School came easy. 

Life has been the challenge.

Now, let’s take that phrase with a grain of salt. 

I’ve had a few different jobs paying at least six figures, I’m highly educated and live on a private golf course. 

Life hasn’t actually been hard. 

I’m very blessed.

The hard part has been trying to carve my own path and decide what the heck that path even is. 

No one hands you a rubric for life. 

There’s some general expectations depending on your culture, society, economic upbringing, family, etc but all in all, you’re on your own to make those decisions. 

Transitioning from undergrad to the world of work was tough for me.

For the last 20-some years of my life, I was told where to be, when to be there and what the expectations of me were. 

Oh, and I knew what I was working toward. 

In first grade, you work toward second. 

In high school you work toward college. 

In college, you work toward a “good job” (whatever that meant…) 

It’s laid out. 

Then, at the end of that, they send you out into the world and say “good luck, don’t mess up.” 

So it’s no surprise that as I was floundering in my first job, trying to learn how to interact in an office environment while also balancing a chaotic long-distance relationship with someone who was still in college, feeling like I had one foot in and one foot out, I manifested going back to college. 

How I ended up in grad school is one of my favorite stories of my life but it’s a story for another time. 

I always knew I wanted to get a masters but had no idea in what or the timing of that degree. 

The universe helped nudge that one along. 

The irony in all of this is, I’ve learned recently that I’m a Line 6 in my Human Design profile who’s supposed to bring vision and direction to the world and show others what’s possible.

And I’m learning that the steps of being expansive and showing others what’s possible doesn’t exactly have a rubric.

So thanks for following along as I learn how to live life without the help of a rubric.